Right now. Hey! It’s your tomorrow. Right now. C’mon. It’s everything.
Ah. Let the soothing sounds of Van Hagar stream into your brain as the taste of Crystal Pepsi streams down your throat.
I distinctly remember the excitement, the hype, and commercials. Crystal Pepsi was going to change the world. It was going to change the way we drink carbonated beverages forever, and the 12-year-old me in 1993 could not have been happier. What better way to start a weekend at home playing my Sega than downing some clear pop.
Fast forward 23 years, Pepsi Co. in their wisdom decided to bring back a 23-year-old flop that was never as good as the marketing team made it out to be. But hey, all of the good ideas have already been taken, so why not Pepsi? Go nuts. If they can bring back Ecto Cooler, you can make DewShine bring back Crystal Pepsi.
After my loving wife brought back a 20 oz Crystal Pepsi upon my request from a friendly Western Pa Get-Go. (yes, the same Get-Go that gave me a very Iced, yet uncool Iced Macchiato), I knew what I had to do. I had to toss it in the freezer to develop the perfect chill. I couldn’t cut corners here. I had to make every effort for the full taste explosion. After some time, I twisted the cap to hear the welcomed hiss of decompression and put the spout to my lips.
“Hmm, it tastes pretty good,” I muttered to myself. The more I thought about it, though, the less sense it made. Pretty good? Crystal Pepsi is supposed to taste terrible. That’s why they pulled it unceremoniously long ago.
For confirmation, I checked with the wife. Her first sip went like this:
“Pretty good. Wait … no pretty bad. Agh.”
It’s confusing, but I think she makes a good point. Crystal Pepsi 2016 takes your mouth on a roller coaster ride. It starts like a blank slate followed by a cola hint that is ever-so-mild before being finished off with a citrusy blast, which kind of works. I guess.
It is hardly a clear cola, though. Instead, it is another clear citrus beverage in a refrigerated section jam packed with clear citrus beverages. The only difference is the slight orange flavor that replaces the usual lemon-lime.
Oh yeah, just one more thing. Check out the center of that pic above. What does that say? I can’t quite make it out. Oh, it says, “PARTIALLY PRODUCED WITH GENETIC ENGINEERING.” Huh? What? Genetic engineering?
Should I be comforted that it was only “partially produced” or should I be terrified that my drink needed to be genetically engineered at all? I’ll let you decide.
Consume.Review.Repeat. gives Crystal Pepsi 2016 8.2 genetic mutations out of 10. If I grow another head, I’ll be willing to up the score.