National Taco Day – 2017

By | October 4, 2017

Dear God! What did I do?!? It – It all happened so fast. As I came slamming back to reality, the distinct sensation that I lost a chunk of time surged into my brain. Only minutes maybe, but it was enough to cause damage. Fortunately, I was the only one harmed.

Shocked by what my eyes showed me, I sprung from my seat, staggered towards the door, and used the wall to steady myself to the bathroom hoping the full pressure from the sink would erase every trace of my mistake. It didn’t work. Of course, it didn’t work. This isn’t something soapy water can wash away.

The stains began to pull past my skin. What slid by my outer layer became guilt that I could sense moving throughout my being. It triggered the searing despair in my gut before lodging itself in the very vessels that maintain my existence.

Looking for comfort, I rested on the toilet attempting to piece together the day’s events and come to terms with the aftermath as I dried my hands with toilet paper. Flashes flooded my brain, but they made no sense at all. They offered on explanation. I saw a bell and a box. I heard voices. They were speaking in harmony.

“Give it back. It’s not yours,” they said.

“What?” I begged. “What isn’t mine?”

“It’s not your cheese.”

“It’s not your cheese,” they repeated again and again.

“Not your cheese. Not your cheese. Not yo cheese. Not cho cheese. Nacho cheese.”

That’s it! Nacho cheese. It was all coming back to me.

I went out to celebrate National Taco Day by driving past the local food truck and heading to the only authentic taco shop I know: Taco Bell. A-ha. The bell. It’s making sense now.

Taco Bell is delicious, and today they offered an exclusive $5 box with 4 crunchy tacos – 3 of which were Doritos Locos.

It’s all making sense now. After returning with my National Taco Day box, I downed my food so quickly that I dissociated. I went somewhere else. I became someone else while in my frenzied state. That wasn’t guilt in my vessels – It was cholesterol in my arteries. That wasn’t despair in my gut – It was the beginning of what would undoubtedly be a painful time in bathroom. Damn, I’m so relieved!

Luckily, I was still on the toilet when the relieving started.

 

 

Consume.Review.Repeat. gives National Taco Day 2017 8.8 forgotten wipes out of 10.

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