The Earth is round. The sky is blue. Summer is awesome. So is Mountain Dew.
Whether you call it Mt. Dew, Mtn Dew or MD, it is a super delicious beverage that became a favorite treat of mine and something that my wife and I bust out on “special occasions.” We don’t drink; we don’t smoke. When we want to cut loose on a Saturday night, we wait until the kids are fast asleep and pour a tall glass of the green stuff.
As a kid, Mt. Dew was always in my life. I cant remember my first time, but I do remember when it became a staple of my pop consumption: summer Monday nights during my college years. I would spend a day of hard labor pushing a lawn mower or trimming hedges (poorly), head home to shower and then to a buddy’s house for Monday Night Raw. Mind you, this is the RAW of 2000 – 2003. In my opinion, this is the golden age of the Attitude Era.
The routine included a stop at Pizza Hut for a Big New Yorker pizza to go with pepperoni, an order of bread sticks and a reach into the cooler to pull out a 2L of the green goodness. We were on a first name basis with the entire staff. It was timeless delight.
Over the years, my love of Mt. Dew has been constant, but Pepsi Co has been largely unsuccessful in their attempts to widen my interests in the ever-expanding Mt. Dew universe.
Of course, I tried Code Red when it arrived. I didn’t like it. Then I tried the purple one, the orange one, the white one, and guess what – I didn’t like any of them. Too sweet, too thick, too weird, too well … too not good. I don’t drink that much pop so I want to make sure that what I drink is worth the calories.
Enter DEWshine. I saw my first glimpse while scrolling through an online Giant Eagle flyer. DEWShine buy 2 for $7. Sold in 12 oz glass bottle four packs. DEWshine? What the? How the? Why the? Must get DEWshine!
At that point, there was probably a small child needing some assistance and my short-term memory failed. Until, that is, I was strolling the aisle of my friendly, neighborhood Wal-mart. DEWshine. Yum. Let’s get DEWshine.
Now, anyone that knows me knows that I’m a pleasure delayer. I’m not the kind of guy to rush home, crack the bottle over ice and chug it down. Rather, I like to wait until the right time, the right setting and the right mood. The timing came a day ago when I dragged my tired body in at dusk after a mid-week landscaping marathon.
I looked my loving wife in the eyes and sweetly whispered the phrase, “DEW me.” She knew just what to do. She handed me the bottle. I twisted the top, gave it a swirl and took a sniff like a sommelier trained in the art of DEW. Again delaying my pleasure, I studied the packaging. The moonshiner with the cork exploding off the jug and the label with a faux-aged look were nice touches. The wording that reads “Non-alcoholic” stirred a silent chuckle in me. From a marketing standpoint, they hit a homerun. I had all but given up on trying new Mt. Dews, but this one was different enough to spark some interest.
It was time. No more delaying. I cradled the icy neck in my hand, titled the bottle to my lips. Took a solid swig and … and … and I didn’t like it. I know. I was surprised, too. DEWshine is actually quite bad. It tastes like 7up, Sprite and Sierra Mist created a bastard child following a lemon-limey menage a trois.
I wanted to like it. I really did. Just like I wanted to like The Hangover or American Hustle. Just like I wanted to like salmon or red wine. I just didn’t. I just don’t. I had another to be certain. After all, the name of the website is Consume.Review.Repeat. I am certain. DEWshine is not enjoyed by my taste buds. Sorry Pepsi Co, back to the drawing board. Be sure to keep that marketing team and the team behind the packaging because those guys are geniuses.
Consume.Review.Repeat gives DEWshine 2 prospector’s pickaxes to the tongue out of 10.