Man Up 10k – Pittsburgh 2015

By | June 21, 2015

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Today, I competed in my second Man UP Father’s Day 10K. It’s a great race, a better cause, an easy course and a fun outing for the women in my life. Rather than review the race, I thought that I would review what you need to cross the finish line with success.

For some, running is a peaceful experience that allows them to disconnect from their 9-to-5 lives, reconnect with nature and get some exercise in the process. These people might be interested in bare-foot running, fuel their physical endeavors with wheat grass and complete a series of sun salutations after crossing the finishing line. These are not my people.

For my people, running is an activity that demands a lot of tech. We are less interested in reconnecting with nature and more interested in dominating nature, improving our times and being comfortable while doing so. We look at a majestic mountain and want to put a tunnel through it. We look at a babbling brook and consider ways to divert its flow to generate power. We need every advantage science has engineered for our benefit.

Without tech, we are doomed. Even a simplistic activity like going for a run must be stacked with layers of tech including:

  1. Iphone 5s secured on the left bicep for app continuity.
  2. Slacker Radio App with Plus service for playing music that blocks out the sounds of nature and infuses indie rock music into my temporal lobe.
  3. Sony running headphones to broadcast said music while staying put with light-weight design.
  4. Runkeeper app to track my running with audio cues triggered every half mile.
  5. Pebble Watch for instant pace, time and distance updates with only the turn of my wrist
  6. Nike Tailwind running glasses to keep out the fog and comfortably shade my eyes while diminishing the extravagant beauty of my surroundings.
  7. Custom bluecotton.com zombie t-shirt to appropriately express my winning personality.
  8. Under Armour sonic compression shorts to minimize the chaff and maximize the speed. Cotton is not your friend and neither is the exorbitant volume of hair enveloping my taint/ crack area. Just compress it all, and I’ll deal with it at home.
  9. Reebok running shorts purchased on a “2 for” special at Grove City Outlets. Light-weight, breathable – feels like I’m wearing nothing at all.
  10. And 1 running socks snagged at Wal-mart for crazy cheap. Running socks are expensive and as long as you avoid cotton, you’re in good shape.
  11. Brooks Ghost shoes with crazy tech to cushion your dogs, align your stride and push you forward. I’ve had these for a year since forgetting one of my Adidas at my last Father’s Day race. Turns out loosing one shoe is just as bad as loosing two.

And that’s all you need. If your setting out to conquer nature, pick up these 11 pieces of tech and you’ll be rolling through 10ks at a mildly-respectable 8-minute mile. Later you can leave your mark for future runners.

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Hey, that’s what moisture wicking is all about.

Consume.Review.Repeat. gives the Man UP Father’s Day 10k 8.2 butt-stained cement smears out of 10.

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