All of you Consume.Review.Repeat. fans out there might not know this, but there are actually two men behind these educational, whimsical, and hilarious posts. This morning, I was shocked to read the post by my compatriot discussing how “science” has proven that Luke Skywalker has not turned to the dark side in the yet-to-be-released 7th installment of Star Wars.
Science? Science! Science? Excuse me professor, but what has science ever given us? What is science doing for us now? So-called “scientists” claim global warming is real. Hello! It’s November and I’m wearing a sweatshirt. News Flash: It’s cold out. Scientists say that guns are more likely to kill someone in your family than a bad guy. Hello! The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a blaster gun.
In a very Jack Shephard versus John Locke way, my fellow writer (let’s call him Jane as in Jane, you ignorant slut) is a man of science. I am a man of faith. Faith that there is more to the world than we can see. Faith in a substance (A Force if you will) that flows through all of us. People that do not have this faith end up turning towards a dark path.
Enter Luke Skywalker. Look, I like Star Wars and I’ve seen it a ton of times, but I honestly don’t have the ability or desire to rewatch 10 hours of TV so I can quote Yoda warning Luke about the dark side. You know what my evidence is? Faith.
That’s right. My faith is stronger than anything any “scientist” tells me. My faith says that Luke won the battle in episode VI, but by doing so, played perfectly into the end-game of the emperor and the dark side. The force is in flux – constantly shifting, and the pendulum has swung.
To summarize, Luke Skywalker is evil because I said so.
Consume.Review.Repeat. gives the odds of Luke turning to the dark side 11 red lightsabers out of 10. Don’t think you can have 11 out of 10? Oh, ye of little faith.