TruMoo Mint Vanilla

By | December 6, 2015

Let me begin by saying that I am a highly-impressionable consumer. If someone tells me to buy something, I probably will. Better yet, if a half-gallon jug of milk has a green swirl on the cap saying “Try me!,” I definitively will. That’s what they told me to do. They didn’t even ask. It was an order, and I am a loyal soldier.


It seemed that what I was buying didn’t even matter. Before I knew it, there was 1.89 liters of green milk in my cart. Green milk? Can green milk be good? Let us reflect. White milk – good. Pink milk – good. Brown milk – the best thing ever. What do I have to lose? Milk has never led me astray.

Still, I couldn’t move past the notion of the green milk in my cart. It was such an oddity that my friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart cashier felt compelled to question, “Green milk, huh?”

“Yeah,” I said with the intention of bringing the conversation to a screeching halt. Less talky – more drinky.

I raced home wondering about the comparable food items to green milk that claims to be “Mint Vanilla.” Would it be like a Shamrock shake? That would be helpful information if I had ever tasted a Shamrock shake, but let’s face it McDonalds, March is not the time to be pumping out metric tons of nondairy green quasi-liquid desserts.

Luckily, the milk was not the only green thing as the stop lights were all in my favor. I rushed through the door and went straight into pleasure-delaying mode. Plan: put the milk in the fridge for a solid hour to get it back to icy perfection, watch SNL from the DVR, and reassess.

Out of the jug, the milk is sweet but not too sweet. Pretty minty while being pleasant and not overly artificial. The most distracting aspect of the TruMoo Mint Vanilla was the crazy green color. Jeez, tone it down several shades. It only detracts from the product and makes it look too unnatural.

So, what can I do with this creation? It seems silly to only drink it cold in a glass. What about in a cup of coffee? Ok. I proceeded to grind up some organic beans from Bali and gave them the French Press treatment. Went with a 3:1 coffee to milk ratio with some sugar for added sweetness. The result was the most putrid broccoli baby crap color imaginable with a taste that totally made up for the appearance.

Warm it up with a squirt of Hershey’s and a marshmallow or two. Load it up with ice. Turn it into ice cream. Hell, it seems the options are limited by your brain’s capacity for abstract thought. What will you do with your Mint Vanilla? Let us know in the comments section.


Consume. Review. Repeat. gives TruMoo Mint Vanilla 8.5 utters out of 10. Ol’ Bessy should be proud of herself.


Liked it? Take a second to support us on Patreon!

Leave a Reply