Walmart Grocery Pickup

By | November 21, 2016

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Just in case you didn’t notice, the holiday season is here, and you know what that means. It means having too much to do and not enough time to do it. The six weeks between mid-November and New Year’s Day is a delicate balance between what you want to do and what you have to do, and you always need to eat.

The problem is that grocery shopping is never all that much fun. Sure. I like strolling the aisles from time to time to peruse the new items that are available for my sampling, but during the holidays, the fun quotient drops. Instead, you find yourself pushing and getting pushed over for the last can of pumpkin filling before waiting in endless lines to pay high prices. It’s the perfect way to spend your weekend.

Too bad tecnology can’t find another way …

And that’s where Walmart Grocery Pickup comes in. The promise is that you pull your car into the Walmart parking lot and the helpful Walmart staff bring the preselected groceries right out. Let’s face it that could never work, but true to my reputation for being a glutton for punishment, I decided to give it a whirl.

Oddly, the service is not offered at my local Walmart, but when the family was invited to a bacon fest in scenic Butler, PA, the wife knew it was time to implement the pickup plan. Initially, I was against it. The idea of someone fondling my bananas just didn’t seem appealing. Fruit selection is the most intimate of selections, right next to picking your mate. In the end, the time restrictions won me over.

It goes like this:

Log on.
Spend an hour picking out the items that you would normally buy.
Ask your spouse to review the list, which takes an additional hour.
Schedule your hour-long pickup window.
Call the number or log in from your app with 10 – 15 minutes notice.
Cross your fingers that you don’t get someone’s prune juice, Depends, and buttermilk.
But first, there was bacon, delicious bacon and the opportunity to discuss, process, and explore the intricacies and neuroses associated with the Walmart Grocery Pickup with our hosts. Most notably: What do you do when the guy comes out to load your car? Do you pop the trunk and sit in your ivory tower as you look down on the peon doing the work, or do you get out and help? Do you tip? What if it’s cold?

Answers without questions equal the birth of anxiety disorders. Even the bacon hosts were split in their opinions. The host said, “stay in the car” while the hostess slammed her husband’s choice to remain seated as an extension of his Republican affiliation. Even though the link wasn’t completely obvious, I knew that I could risk doing anything remotely Republican. I planned to help load.

After filling our bellies full of pork bellies, we made the short drive to the Walmart and called to alert the staff of our imminent arrive. We parked and called a different number. Out can two staff with two flats of food, (I helped load) and everything was moving smoothly. Some bags were labeled for fragile or breakable items like eggs and light bulbs.

Other bags were labeled “Substitution” for choices that were selected but not available at the time of shopping. One substitution was a different (but similar) loaf of bread. The other was coconut and dark chocolate almonds instead of dark chocolate almonds. Do you know my wife, Walmart? No. I suppose you don’t, but she does not like coconut.

Final thoughts: The process require a bit of time to start up, but once your list is constructed, it sticks with you making subsequent orders much simpler than the first. If you are short on time, order the same things often, have a social anxiety disorder, and/ or don’t find joy in strolling the aisles of your local megastore, Walmart Grocery Pickup is for you. Did I mention it’s free?

Consume.Review.Repeat. gives Walmart Grocery Pickup 8.8 PDPPs (Public Displays of Pajama Pants) out of 10.

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