What a golden age we live in. It’s a time where we no longer have to feel slighted by those left-wing, coastal elitists who think they know everything. We heartland of America folks can feel free to speak without thinking, deny things that are obviously true, and tweet as we wish with no regard for what the possible outcomes might be. It’s a golden age I tell you – golden.
I’m not alone, though. The fine folks at Dunkin Donuts agree. They agree so much that they made an important move in the first days of 2017 that put the good ole U.S. of A back in the middle of the map and the center of the universe. They are doing their part to Make America Great Again. They are giving us a drink so nice, it could only be named for the greatest country in the history of countries: the Americano.
Dunkin knows that the people that won the electoral college (not the popular vote) can’t be bothered with too many ingredients in our coffee drinks. We like our coffee strong and simple. We want our drinks to tell it like it is, even if it means entering an international crisis. We don’t want foam unless it’s in our glorious oceans. We don’t want milk unless we are sharing a white Russian with President Putin. We will not be convinced that a latte is different from a macchiato. We will never believe that a cappuccino is more than just a milky coffee. We don’t care what the scientists say.
We know what we know. We love America, and we love the Americano. A shot of espresso diluted with some hot water. What’s not to like? Bitter, bland, uninspired, and ill-prepared. Gosh darn it, it’s perfect. Thank you Dunkin Donuts for your patriotism. Thank you for reminding us just how great America can be. Thank you for Making America Delicious Again.
Consume.Review.Repeat. gives Dunkin Donuts Americano 8.2 impeachments out of 10.