Remakes! When innovation ends and new ideas are nowhere to be found, what do you do? Go for a solid remake.
Hollywood does this on the regular basis. We need a new Tom Cruise vehicle – remake The Mummy. The DC Comic book world is lacking – remake Batman or Superman. Put them together. Kill one.
Sometimes the remakes are stellar improvements that expand and heighten the original content like in the case of Bates Motel. Some turn out to be so dismal compared to the source material that you wonder how such a project even seemed like a good idea like in the case of Vince Vaughn take on Normal Bates.
When Dunkin Donuts announced that they were remaking their frozen/ slushy coffee drink, I was skeptical. To begin, I was never a fan of the Coffee Coolatta. I didn’t like the name. I didn’t like the taste. I didn’t like the calories or the domed lid or anything this beverage had for me. In short, it sucked.
Goodbye Coffee Coolatta and hello Dunkin Donuts Frozen Coffee. As Mr. Dunkin was pushing out this cold and creamy creation, I had to lend my taste buds. Since the current DD Perks offer gives you 200 points (enough for a free drink) when you order the new beverage, I essentially tried it for free.
The ordering was pretty basic. Pick your milk. Pick your swirls or flavor shots. Add whipped cream if you’d like, and you’re set. Be careful, though. At 420 calories for a small, you will want to budget the calorically-dense drink into your daily intake.
So, how does it taste …
I haven’t tasted everything on the menu, so I cannot make any bold statements. I can say, though, that this is the worst thing I have tasted from the donut man to date. The strongest flavor that came through on the first pull on the orange straw was more gasoline than coffee. Okay, okay: Gasoline might be a bit harsh. It was more like butane – milky butane but butane nonetheless.
I needed a few moments away from the drink to allow my taste buds to settle, so I bothered someone in the office for a few minutes. Upon my return, I was shocked to see my frozen coffee had completely separated. On the top was arctic white frost. The bottom was a coffee-ish substance. Once these two were apart, my attempts at reconciliation were fruitless. They never fully mixed.
In the end, about 60% of my small Dunkin Donuts Frozen Coffee met my stomach. The rest went down the drain along with my hopes of a successful summer remake. Hopefully, Dunkin will stick to innovation rather than remakes.
Consume.Review.Repeat. gives Dunkin Donuts Frozen Coffee 5.1 “stay back from open flames” out of 10.